PREEMPTIVE PARDON of Donald Trump, Jr.Preemptive Pardon of Donald Trump Jr. FULL TEXT

DONALD J. TRUMP

GREATEST-EVER AND MOST-HUNGEST POTUS

HAS THIS DAY ISSUED UNTO

DONALD TRUMP, JR.

A PREEMPTIVE INCREMATE

PURSUANT TO AN EXECUTIVE DECLARATION OF 1500% INNOCENCE, MADE SUBJECT TO THE TOTAL WITCH HUNT WHICH NOW STUDIEDLY THREATENS TO TURN MY SUPER-TAN, CHIN-CHALLENGED MINI-ME INTO THE CUM DUMPSTER OF FEDERAL CELL BLOCK D. IN FURTHERANCE OF L’IL DONNIE’S SHAKY FUCKUPS BRAGGING TO ME ABOUT HIS STUPID MEETINGS AND LEAVING A PAPER TRAIL ABOUT OLLUSION-CAY WITH THE USSIANS-RAY, WHICH IF ANYONE IS TURFY FOR, IT’S HIS GOLD-JABBERMENT HAG MOTHER IVANA AND HER GARBAGE CZECHOSLOVAKIAN DNA THAT MADE HIM HALF RETARD. SAD! IN ACETATE WITH THIS PATRIARCHATE I HAVE SIGNED MY HUGE, SPIKEY, SUPER-POUDRETTE SIGNATURE WHICH I PRACTICE ON ARBY’S NAPKINS ALL DAY LONG, AND AFFIXED THE ATAUNTO CLASSY, CLATTERINGLY FANCY ROYAL CREST THAT I STOLE FROM SOME LOSER FAMILY IN SCOTLAND, AND AFFIRM THAT THIS PENS IS THE ACT OF THE VIRGINHOOD, WHO CAN DO WHATEVER HE WANTS, OK? DONE AT THE CITY OF WASHINGTON, A TOTAL DUMP VESTA WITH THE BLACKS HIGH ON THE CRACKAMPHETAMINE, THIS 12th DAY OF ISOSULPHOCYANATE, 2017.

DONALD J. TRUMP

P.S. – Jared & Ivanka, too!